'He couldn't stand the idea of working for someone else': Breadwinner girlfriend splits expenses 70/30 with jazz musician boyfriend, argues with him about getting a 'real job'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 6, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Being an artist is all about sacrifices. You have to either be willing to live on a shoestring budget, piecing together work while you can, or give in to a 'real job' that you can do while pursuing your interests. But things get messy when you try to depend on another person for your financial freedom, especially if that person is your significant other. 

I understand the appeal of avoiding conventional employment as long as you can. Do you think Jimi Hendrix would have become Jimi Hendrix if he decided to pick up an accounting position? Probably not. But Jimi Hendrix didn't rely on your girlfriend to sort it out for him (OK I know very little about his biography, so don't fact-check me).  But that's exactly what happened in this story from Reddit where an aspiring artist got a little too comfortable with this cushy financial situation. And it caused real ripples in his romantic relationship. Read on for the details.

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  • 01
    1 Schafer & Sons
    via Darius
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Affectionate-Will474 • 23h AITA for telling my (24F) boyfriend (24M) off for his view on work culture?
    via u/Affectionate-Will474
  • 03
    Last night I (24F) and my boyfriend (24M) were trying to talk about our future together. We've been together 3 years and want to come up with a budgeting plan to buy a house. While talking I asked if he had considered getting a job. Currently he works Doordash and just finished a year of grad school. He's an aspiring jazz musician - where we live doesn't have many gigs so he hasn't been paid for performing all school year.
    via u/Affectionate-Will474
  • 04
    He immediately shut down because he was "caught off guard." In his mind he had planned to work Doordash all summer to get money. He told me he couldn't stand the idea of working for someone else and that getting a "real job" just wasn't who he is.
    via u/Affectionate-Will474
  • 05
    Context. I've worked since I was 16. I have been working the entire time while he was in school splitting our expenses 70-30. I have begged him to work in the past to take some of the load off but instead he has been using student loans to cover rent for the semester.
    via u/Affectionate-Will474
  • 06
    Honestly if he genuinely follows through, I wouldn't even be mad that he was working Doordash. He makes decent money when he does it, but the thing is every time he's promised me that he'll work he ends up not following through.
    via u/Affectionate-Will474
  • 07
    I felt upset that he was bashing "real job culture" when I have had to work so much in my life to keep us where we are. We got into an argument and ultimately I ended up saying that if he refuses to acknowledge his toxic view of work culture then I can't be with him. He couldn't believe that I said that so easily after 3 years together so he drove off for a few hours. We're now at this point where neither of us is willing to budge.
    via u/Affectionate-Will474
  • 08
    I will admit that I have an anxious attachment style where I push too hard in arguments and I don't give things time to settle. Sometimes I need to be told that I'm right because I seek validation in arguments and it makes people upset with me - which is valid. I pushed last night and I want to hear that I'm right. I can't tell if I was right or wrong for pushing this particular issue. AITA for telling my (24F) boyfriend (24M) off for his view on work culture?
    via u/Affectionate-Will474
  • 09
    repairmanjack2023 • 23h Partassipant [3] NTA. If your boyfriend is unwilling to pull his weight financially, then he is using you to finance his musician wannabe lifestyle. Don't be someone else's doormat. Time to cut him loose. Good luck.
    via u/repairmanjack2023
  • 10
    unobtrusivity • 22h - NTA. I know someone who makes his living as a jazz musician – not only does he spend most of the year traveling for gigs, but the vast majority of his money (and all the other full-time jazz musicians he knows) comes from smooth jazz he sells to Spotify under a pseudonym with the hopes that it ends up on some popular coffee shop background music playlist. If your boyfriend thinks he's ever going to make enough money to earn a living by just playing music locally, or from Do
    via u/unobtrusivity
  • 11
    Panda Enthusiast89 • 20h Wanting to be a musician is one of those jobs (similar to wanting to be a model or pro athlete) where there are so many people with the same dream, and the chance of making it is so slim, that there needs to be a realistic backup plan. I know 2 people who've been trying for years to make it as singers and it just hasn't happened. It takes a lot more than just having musical talent.
    via u/PandaEnthusiast89
  • 12
    L1mpD. 23h NTA. Your boyfriend doesn't actually have a problem with work culture he's just lazy. I know he doesn't have a problem with it because he's perfectly fine mooching off of you, who is only able to support the two of you because you have embraced work culture. This is a crystal ball to your future
    via u/L1mpD
  • 13
    SkyComplex2625 • 22h Aficionado [14] This man will never have a real job. He will never be able to buy a house with you. Is that actually the future that you want?
    via u/SkyComplex2625
  • 14
    Zestyclose_Gur_8889 • 22h Enthusiast [7] NTA unless you want to support this man for the rest of your life, leave. Also, remember all those student loans he's been living in will be due. They NEVER go away.
    via u/Zestyclose_Gur_8889
  • 15
    VeN0m333 • 22h Aficionado [11] NTA - Seems like this may be a core personality trait embedded in him, something like this needs a drastic change for him to adapt into "real job culture". It seems you really have to make the decision and ask yourself if you want to hold onto this hopeful change or leave and find someone that has that mindset. There's no compromise in finding a job, he either does or does not. Also correct me if I'm wrong but isn't Doordash just taking someone else's orders and fo
    via u/VeN0m333
  • 16
    No-Whole-4646 • 22h NTA - just leave, he's not worth the effort. Also it's kind of funny reading "he refuses to work for other people" while working door dash, which does make it work for other people, the only control he has over that job is the amount of work he actually has to do
    via u/No-Whole-4646
  • 17
    rjhancock ⚫ 22h Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] NTA and it sounds like he enjoys having a "Sugar Mama" in his life. Relationships are built upon compromise and understanding. This is y'alls wellbeing and he is refusing to budge on finding steady income while doing what he wants. Peronsally I would find someone else and let him flounder. He needs to learn a lesson and if he can't be bothered to learn it while being coddled financially, he should learn it while struggling.
    via u/rjhancock
  • 18
    Friendly-Buyer-9563 • 23h Enthusiast [6] While seeking validation from arguments does sound concerning in general, I don't think you were wrong to push things in this particular instance. If you plan on living together with that man then you need to be on the same page about how your finances are going to work. If his plan is to keep doing gigs only and letting you foot the bill if things. don't work out because getting a normal job "just wasn't who he is", then this is going to build resentment
    via u/Friendly-Buyer-9563
  • 19
    forgeris • 23h Pooperintendant [63] NAH. Just two incompatible people who view their relationship differently, I understand your position and your bf just uses you as it is convenient for him at this time. Usually, when a someone wants to have a serious relationship then they are looking for the best ways how to achieve financial stability to be able to afford kids, house, vacations, etc. Your bf do not see any long term relationship with you and is happy that you pay 70% of everything while he
    via u/forgeris

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long term relationship relationship advice aita jobs work culture saving money job real job job hunt work working couples argument Reddit money relationship drama couple job application
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